Discipline is one of those parenting topics that comes with a lot of opinions - just like screen time and whether your toddler really needs that third snack.
But what actually is healthy discipline, and how do you make sure you're not just yelling into the void while your child hurls Goldfish at your head?
Allison Ciongoli, marriage and family therapist at Neuro Wellness Spa, told DailyMail.com that's it's more than just sending your kid to their room.
Ciongoli explained that healthy discipline is very different from punishment.
'Healthy discipline teaches children how to make better choices by connecting actions to consequences,' she said.
Where punishment is reactive and focused only on stopping unwanted behavior, healthy discipline is proactive.
It's about helping children build self-regulation and reinforcing positive behavior, often through praising good choices and modeling emotional control.
For toddlers between the ages of one and three, she recommended redirection and distraction - like offering a toy or starting a new activity - to prevent misbehavior before it escalates.
TherapistAllison Ciongoli said that healthy discipline is proactive (stock image)
'Short time-outs, about one minute per year of age, can help them calm down,' she added.
Ignoring certain attention-seeking behaviors, as long as it's safe to do so, can also help teach boundaries and discourage the behavior over time.
As children grow into the school-age years, from six to twelve, discipline should start shifting toward promoting accountability.
Ciongoli encouraged parents to have calm, open conversations that help kids reflect on their actions.
'Clear rules and consistent consequences guide them while encouraging emotional awareness and better decision-making,' she said.
It's less about reacting in the moment and more about teaching long-term life skills.
When it comes to teenagers, Ciongoli emphasized the importance of respecting their growing need for independence.
That means involving them in setting household rules and agreeing on consequences ahead of time.
Ciongoli said that the goal of disciplining your kids should still be to maintain a good relationship with them, not create a power struggle (stock image)
'Open, honest communication builds trust and encourages accountability,' she said.
She added that the goal is to maintain a strong relationship, not create a power struggle.
Ciongoli also pointed out some of the most common mistakes parents make when trying to discipline their kids.
Being inconsistent with rules and consequences, for one, can be confusing and undermine the lesson.
Another misstep? Focusing too much on negative behavior.
'Parents often forget to praise positive actions, missing a big opportunity to reinforce the behaviors they want to see,' she said.
And when discipline ignores emotional regulation altogether, it's less likely to stick - kids need to be taught how to cope with their feelings, not just told to stop acting out.
Finally, if it feels like nothing is working, it might be time to check your balance between consequences and positive reinforcement.
According to Ciongoli, praise should be frequent and immediate. While verbal encouragement works well for many kids, some respond better to small, tangible rewards like extra playtime or a favorite snack.
'Consequences might stop the behavior temporarily, but consistent reinforcement builds lasting habits,' she said.
Keeping discipline positive and proactive can go a long way in making sure your child is actually learning something - and maybe even listening once in a while.
